Revelations

Things I've discovered in the past couple of days:
- Drinking gives me insomnia. It all fits together now - the nights of drinking, followed by the long periods spent awake, unable to sleep. Don't know why I didn't see this before.
- I don't like my breasts. They appear to be sagging, and I feel that they're old. Not young and perky. I need someone to tell me that they are beautiful. I need a man to tell me, in all sincerity, that I'm beautiful.
- I'm looking for companionship. Simple, uncomplicated companionship. The realisation that I wouldn't mind dating K-Far comes from the understanding of this simple desire.
- Pervy gets a lot of action, but I don't (think I) resent her for it.
- I really wanted to sing and perform a lot this year. I still do. I have to find ways to do that.
- I really want to lose weight now, if only to be perceived as more attractive. One part of it is carrying yourself like you know you're sexy (I can manage that bit just fine), and the other part is being undeniably sexy (I need to work on that).

On Giving Head

This post comes out of a late-night walk-and-talk-and-sometimes-sit with a boy I think I may be developing a bit of a thing for (we'll get to that later, and for now, let's just call him K-Far Boy). Specifically, it comes out of a story that he told me - the story of how he and 42 stopped being friends with the guy they were rooming with last year. It centred on disagreement over whether, when a girl gives a guy a blowjob, she's doing it because she likes it, or because she wants to make the guy happy. K-Far and 42 said it was the latter reason. Their roommate insisted that it was the former, and was extremely upset when they disagreed on the issue. While they didn't come to blows, something between them snapped for good. They didn't speak thereafter, etc. etc.

Now, what stayed with me from that conversation wasn't the notion that boys can act like girls sometimes too, or that people pick the strangest things to have massive fights over. It was simply the question of whether there was something strange about me because I actually enjoy giving head. I eventually came to the conclusion that there wasn't, because I'm sure there are plenty out there like me, and also because there's a certain healthy wholesomeness to a relationship in which you enjoy giving as much as you enjoy getting - and in which you give as much (and as good) as you get.

The question: "Which girl would like to have a dick in her mouth??" is therefore easily answered: this one.
Of course, the wannabe lawyer in me must at this point place qualifications on that statement. I love it when I'm horny and lustful (the need to be filled up bypasses every other thought process), particularly when it's part of foreplay (the idea of being forced to my knees to suck on it and make it rock-hard so that it can be used to fuck me senseless is a huge turn on), and when I want to surprise the guy I'm with (many fun mornings have begun with my mouth coaxing a cock to life while its owner is still caught up in the realm of sleep [it's amazing how the human body doesn't require any active mental participation in arousal. :) Viva la morning wood!]). I don't enjoy dirty or smelly cock (bathe regularly, dammit!), though I do absolutely love licking my own juices off a cock.

And somewhere, I'm glad I enjoy these aspects of sex. I'm profoundly grateful that almost nothing freaks me out (though I don't hold an interest in any fetish but BDSM), and that if I have an adventurous, caring lover, the sex will be fantastic.

And, K-Far: I like you enough to want to go on another 'make-out' walk with you and actually follow through this time. Just finish your goddam papers, and we'll see what can be worked out. :)

But, 42: I think I've fallen out of lust with you. :-|